When You Say Nothing At All

This is probably one of the most popular songs by Ronan Keating, also the soundtrack of Notting Hill- an equal favorite of the masses. This song also happens to be the bane of my existence in engineering. As I’ve said before, we were a group of six three guys and three gals who hung out together. The three chaps were adept at dropping a song like it was no big deal at all. At the drop of a hat they’d break into song- that was all right as long as I had some company being the audience but inevitably when they struck up “Its amazing…” the entire troupe would join in the serenade and I would be left gaping in the sidelines. It didn’t helped that I’d watched Notting hill a million times but I couldn’t for the love of God, learn this song or even its lyrics. It was only when the chorus of “when you say nothing at all” began that I would realize it’s the same song I was struck dumb by yesterday. I thought things couldn’t get much worse and it did-

They started singing bits one by one…

One person would start off and the next in line would pick it up- unfortunately I wasn’t capable of carrying a tune in a bucket and therefore was excused but it used to burn me when the rest of my college used to stop and some even used to join in. Their voices used to mingle with the dulcet tones of my bosom friends and there I was left all alone feeling the pangs of agony as the song that promised that “the smile on your face lets me know that you need me”- even though I used to grin n bear I doubt my college buddies ever got wind of how much it used to hurt when they sang this..”There’s a truth in your eyes saying you’ll never leave me”- True enough I’d never felt more alone in a group where I thought I fit perfectly.. “The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me wherever I fall”- I fell into the greatest depths of despair with pangs shooting through me at my inability to join my circle of friends in something they did so well and yet I was not a part.. I used to vanish round about this time and so I never did hear the last line “when you say nothing at all” I never said anything and I doubt if even now they recall this chapter in their cluttered lives.

Years later- three to be precise- I had a laptop and finally learnt the song, but by then twas too late- my friends had flown and learnt many other songs… I was left singing alone.. even now I cannot hear the song without feeling some aversion although I have learnt to love its lyrics as much as my friends did…

But maybe someday we guys would once again sit in the pathway of my engineering college and someone would suggest something to do.. and they would all break into song, only this time I would be ready with my part…”Cause you say it best when you say nothing at all….”

Absolutely Useless

Ever get the feeling that when the time comes, the sum total of your existence might prove to be a naught. This thought used to come often and unbidden in the most inopportune moments causing me more discomfort than the loss of sleep. It inevitably arrived right after my having completed something successfully, after those wistful live-throughs of the work, effort and finally the success- just when you think you’re ready to hit the bed for that elusive slumber, it hits you. What have you accomplished to justify your existence till now????

These rudimentary questions focused on the scope of your seemingly inconsequential life are apt to trigger a spate of unrestrained agony over having done absolutely nothing worthwhile in all the time you’ve spent in the world. Each achievement starts off in a haze of glory but ultimately fades away in view of its utility and ephemeral quality in the face of things to come. In short all our castles come crashing down as we perceive the mirth that for all the time and effort put in and all the rewards reaped, everything just moves on and nothing is for keeps.

A deeper welt embeds itself in the understanding that the knowledge culminated and experiences gathered in varied and motley hues will fail to produce the masterpiece tapestry to refurbish the fruits of our time herein. But wait, there is hope yet amidst such dismal wreckage of dreams and hopes unlived. Memories!

Gleaned over a lifetime of acquaintances, places, tasks, embroidered with dreams, ambition and hope, nurtured with care and remembered with affection, these annals contain the sum of our very lives. So what if the rest of the world does not revel in it? We must cherish and hold dear it’s etches from the bygone lanes and haunting tunes to relive its essence. To us and us alone falls the noble task of framing those memories in gilded portraits and walk through those galleries once in a while to dart a fleeting glance on the encased thoughts and exquisite emotional states that we’ve surpassed and moved away from. Just a moment, that’s all, the same that was the cause of your futility shall be enthroned in your heart as the harbinger of good times if but you would let the curtains fall aside and dare to look behind you- into all that you’ve left behind. The child that loved your old teddy more than food, the teenager who felt stifled by your parents lack of fashion, the youth who dreamed of movies- the sum of all that you ever were, all that shaped who you are now is locked within your mind. If you have the strength and will, do turn the key- you’ll be surprised at how much you’ve survived and that in itself will serve as a testimony to your life…..