Absolutely Useless

Ever get the feeling that when the time comes, the sum total of your existence might prove to be a naught. This thought used to come often and unbidden in the most inopportune moments causing me more discomfort than the loss of sleep. It inevitably arrived right after my having completed something successfully, after those wistful live-throughs of the work, effort and finally the success- just when you think you’re ready to hit the bed for that elusive slumber, it hits you. What have you accomplished to justify your existence till now????

These rudimentary questions focused on the scope of your seemingly inconsequential life are apt to trigger a spate of unrestrained agony over having done absolutely nothing worthwhile in all the time you’ve spent in the world. Each achievement starts off in a haze of glory but ultimately fades away in view of its utility and ephemeral quality in the face of things to come. In short all our castles come crashing down as we perceive the mirth that for all the time and effort put in and all the rewards reaped, everything just moves on and nothing is for keeps.

A deeper welt embeds itself in the understanding that the knowledge culminated and experiences gathered in varied and motley hues will fail to produce the masterpiece tapestry to refurbish the fruits of our time herein. But wait, there is hope yet amidst such dismal wreckage of dreams and hopes unlived. Memories!

Gleaned over a lifetime of acquaintances, places, tasks, embroidered with dreams, ambition and hope, nurtured with care and remembered with affection, these annals contain the sum of our very lives. So what if the rest of the world does not revel in it? We must cherish and hold dear it’s etches from the bygone lanes and haunting tunes to relive its essence. To us and us alone falls the noble task of framing those memories in gilded portraits and walk through those galleries once in a while to dart a fleeting glance on the encased thoughts and exquisite emotional states that we’ve surpassed and moved away from. Just a moment, that’s all, the same that was the cause of your futility shall be enthroned in your heart as the harbinger of good times if but you would let the curtains fall aside and dare to look behind you- into all that you’ve left behind. The child that loved your old teddy more than food, the teenager who felt stifled by your parents lack of fashion, the youth who dreamed of movies- the sum of all that you ever were, all that shaped who you are now is locked within your mind. If you have the strength and will, do turn the key- you’ll be surprised at how much you’ve survived and that in itself will serve as a testimony to your life…..