Snax???

This four letter word would pop up at the bottom right corner of my monitor at around 5pm each evening without fail- multied to my gang of four at my B-School.. Followed by a “chalu” or “c you down” reply all.. Its promptness assured because of the fact that heavy lessons in the morning followed by an equally imposing lunch ensured a nap from 3-5 thus creating a substantial appetite which called for immediate attention!

Having been a coffee fanatic all my life, tea has been an anathema to me; my jaw would drop down each time I met yet another classmate who hadn’t tasted filter coffee and swore by tea.. Tea was an angrezi drink whereas coffee was incredibly smooth, subtle and one hundred percent desi; tea couldn’t cure headaches nor keep you awake at night while with coffee you were guaranteed dregs of happiness at the bottom of the cup.. Being thrust with this mentality amongst a throng of people and canteen officials who didn’t recognize coffee as a beverage but stuck to chai and milk- my two years in Mumbai were rather tough on my caffeine addicted soul..

5:30 was the official snack time at Nitie- snack was the general term that described greasy bread pakodas or syrupy, to-die-for dahi papdi chaat or juicy kachoraes or plain dosas and their tomato-based cousins, all in addition to good day biscuits or bourbon variety along with a glass of tea or milk.. I fought my battle with tea successfully for half of the first year; until my taste buds started rioting at the very smell of milk (elaichi flavored).. Sweetened milk after my regular quota of biscuits really didn’t gel well.. And hence to preserve some semblance of balance I switched to tea- it was, how may I put it, different.. Tea had a strong flavor (not as strong as coffee though), hinted with elaichi and less sweet than plain milk it augured well with the snacks..

Tea was served in the mess (a long hall filled with aging plastic furniture and four servers who were forever on their toes trying to manage the 400 students who needed their snacks n tea..) but for those who tired of the daily tea, a defunct Nescafe dabba was present near the mess for plastic cups of a tasteless liquid they called coffee, watery tea, crappy badam milk or peppery tomato soup with half packets of maggi noodles served piping hot on a very thin paper plate and plastic forks that were liable to melt in the heat.. irrespective of the quality, people still flocked to the dabba when the mess was too full..

As the tenet states : food tastes as well as the oddness of the place where it is had.. well outside the mess are were a flight of disused stairs leading to an open terrace- frequented by a mongrel white dog amongst others.. Dubbed ataria by the denizens of Nitie, it was to this sanctum that we’d all retire to, despite the fact that it was open to all elements, no fan or light, no chair but only hard tiles to rest on- this unfortunate place caught our fancy… in the dimmed lights of the facing hostels we’d discuss every topic under the sun, all discussions were notaried by the mongrel dog who’d appear out of no where, climb the steps and seat himself at the base of the next flight and cock his ears at our conversations- he was as much a relic there as was the mess contractor who’d yell at us to not take cutlery and glasses to the terrace.. we’d lean back against the ½ foot railing and deliberate on the future course of our un-sated and whetted appetites i.e. where do we go for the next meal… J

This spot was the melting point for all batches of students- both junior and senior and no matter how crowded it got, there was always room for more.. new entrants were requested to get refills of tea; cloudy skies, cool breezes and piping hot tea helped loosen tongues as well as fierce debates.. Topics ranged from which professor was likely to dump the next assignment to the latest movie on campus.. food traveled across plates, palms and fingers to eager lips and many a glass was left behind by forgetful students at the termination of their discussions much to the agitation of the caretaker to whose poor lot it fell to remove them… In the mess people used to sit with their sect of friends who’d ensure a place for them.. but here in the ataria- there was no such luxury- you sat on whatever nook or corner there was, next to whoever it was and ate whatever was there.. we braved the same elements, were exposed to the same mosquitoes, suffered the same lack of light and tripped over the same cracks in the paving- bonded this way we found our utopia’s at the top of the mess.. No topic was too mundane nor any problem insignificant enough to escape our grandiose discussions.. whilst there we were in a world of our own- even if we had nothing to discuss, we would still sit there and enjoy the solitude. Nothing less than nightfall or the closing of the mess for dinner would induce us to climb down from our cherished perch, aglow with the companionship, hot tea and healthy conversation…

Back into a desolate world with furniture, groupisms and our dinners…

"Treat"-ise

Treats - the Universal equiliser...Any institution or organization developes an informal sense of bonding over Treats- friendships are made for life- as are the number and range of treats owed as well.. Birthdays, joining dates, anniversaries, promotions. bonuses and a dozen other obscure and insignificant happenings eagerly counted upon by members of the Treat group as a chance for free food, booze and banter..

Treats are a modern take on Sacrifices- In the olden days Kings used to give away free stuff for people to bless/ wish them good, especially after a conquest; over the years with pollution preventing open fires and music being digitized, all thats left for a person is to find people to accept the humble offerings. Thus treats are nothing but the new generations way of rpeserving our ancient heritage. Treats provide unbound happiness for the Treatees (the people at the receiving end) and a philosophical bend of mind for the Treaters (the guys paying the bill). Certains strings (actually quite a number) are attached-

1> The Event shalt Not be called upon by the Treater:- Occasions for treats are not decided by the Treater but rather their importance and the social stadning the event accosts is determined by the Treatees- since they will be honoring the Treaters by simply partaking of their offering.
2> Treats wilt be decideth by the Treatees:- The Venue and the "offerings" are likewise deliberated upon by the Treatees, since their time is being imposed upon to actually take an effort to dress up, move and attend the Treat being given. Food- exotic or at least something new and untried, drinks and a minimum of three courses are a must. The Sacrifice will involve a humbled and nervous Treater who awaits with dread the dishes and things his Treatees suddenly develop fetishes for- treats are the right places to try out your first chopsticks, order food that you have no clue about and chuck it if you don't like it- after all the treater foots the bill right??
3> The Treater shalt not enjoy the Treat- the true purpose of a treat is lost if the Treater joins in the revelry.. And what better way to cause a loss of appetite than ordering enormous quantities of food, wasting it and ordering more (;)).. The person with the largest appetite is invariably seated next to the Treater- this is yet another golden rule; it enables a healthy comparison of the frugal state of the Treater's plate with that of his more liberal companions and becomes the butt of most jokes. The Treater, no matter how gluttonous on normal days, invariably becomes a calorie conscious souciant on the ill-fated day of the Treat. He cannot, for the life of him, swallow a morsel- this three to five hour ordeal gives him leave to ruminate on all the treats he's been part of and also keep track of how much who has consumed for future Treate reference.. It gives him a chance to contemplate on the event and its insignificance; providing insights on the depths of care to which his friends have gone to ensure he will Not ever forget it for the rest of his life...
4> The Treat shalt exceed the Budget :- This clause states that if at the end of the Treat, the Treater heaves a sigh of relief then some emergency situation be presented and ensured that a sudden craving for ice cream or burger be issued forth by one or more of the Treatees and supported by the rest in order to ensure that the Treater "feel" the aftermath of having shelled it out in his pocket, mind and heart.. And revel in the fact that this sort fo event occurs only Once each year.. Else the Treatees will have to ensure that the next treat in line crosses the limit outrageously... Thus the onus of raising the bar on this Treat lies squarely on the shoulders of the next Treater-in-line..
5> Treats shalt be marked by novelty :- ever wanted to eat Korean food?? check out what casa en toulera exactly was??? Treats mark the first chopsticks, the first cocktail, for many Treatees and new inductees who invariably occupy the Treater position.. Treats offer a socially acceptable reason to freak out!!! A treat is remarks an undeniably banal incident in the life of the Treater as a reason to add some spice into the life of other disillusioned mortals.. :)

Treats are the only form of chain activities that guarantee assured returns manifold the expense served- in terms of entertainment value and good times.. If you treat 10 people, each of the ten owes a treat and hence free victuals for some ten days of the year for the most obscure reasons cited.. A Treat also increases the feel-good factor, once you've been a Treater you can enjoy the joys of ripping someone off as a Treatee in many more occasions before your turn finally comes around, thus satisfying the inherent need of mankind to do unto others as they've done to yourself (multiplied the number of people in the room at the Treat)..

With these simple tenets I leave you to discover the joys and tribulations of the Treating circles.. Stop reading, go forth and do it yourself..